I often hear the phrase "You worry too much". Aside from stating the obvious, it's not terribly helpful advice. I worry too much. Yes, it's true, I worry about everything and it's becoming worse over time.
I worry about small things and large things. My worries make their way into my dreams at night and my day-mares. I become paralyzed with indecision which makes me feel impotent. What could be so bad? I'm aware that this is ridiculous, but I can't seem to knock myself out of it.
Here are few things I worry about every single day.
I worry that when Paul and the boys leave in the morning that it will be the last time I ever see them. I worry that every time I get into the car I'm playing Russian roulette, and this time may be my last. I worry that someone will steal my beautiful boys and that I would rather die than go on living. I worry that I'm a terrible mother and I'll somehow screw my kids up. I worry something will happen to my parents and that I won't be around to help them. I worry about why I haven't heard from friends and family in a while. I worry that I've done something wrong. I worry about people thinking I'm an idiot, when all I ever do is try my best. I worry that my best will never be good enough. I worry about money. I worry that I won't be able to provide for my parent's retirement in a way that will keep them out of a careless nursing home. I worry that we'll never be able to sell this house so my kids can go to a better school. I worry that if we can't sell this house then we won't be able to move to Rockwall where I can better look after my parents. I worry about whether there is a God, and then I worry that, by just having made the thought, I'm going to Hell. I worry about not being around long enough to see my boys grow up. I worry that I'm going to develop Glaucoma too soon. I worry that I could get a batch of bad insulin and fall into a coma. I worry that when I go to bed at night I may never wake up. I worry that no one would really care. I worry that by just typing out these thoughts that they could come true.
There are more, but these are the ones that occupy my daily thoughts.