While writing about the boys personalities yesterday I took a walk down memory lane. I looked at their baby pictures and spent hours at the computer just watching them grow up digitally before my eyes. While I do not miss the sleepless nights and the constant fear of having two newborns to care for, I do miss them at that age. I miss them falling asleep on me most of all. They rarely let me cuddle with them as they go to sleep anymore.
I went back in time a little further to when I was pregnant. We don't have many pictures of me, I realized. And as I looked at the them, I remembered why.
Recently, I have had several family members and friends who've been through a pregnancy. They say that when a woman is pregnant, she glows with an other-worldly essence. That she's beautiful. It must be true since everyone I knew seemed to radiate it. I loved being pregnant. I felt wonderful and I had very little morning sickness. My biggest fear of having complications with my diabetes was non-existent. I loved feeling the boys flop around, kicking my ribs and head-butting my bladder. I loved watching my belly grow and the visits to the doctor that verified I had healthy, thriving babies. If I were younger, and not diabetic, and younger, I'd have had a dozen more. Maybe.
But looking at my pictures, I realized why I shied away from the camera. Instead of a glowing, beautiful, radiant me, all I saw was a Garden Gnome. And one that could only were Crocs. Yep.