Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Garden Gnome

While writing about the boys personalities yesterday I took a walk down memory lane.  I looked at their baby pictures and spent hours at the computer just watching them grow up digitally before my eyes.  While I do not miss the sleepless nights and the constant fear of having two newborns to care for, I do miss them at that age.  I miss them falling asleep on me most of all.  They rarely let me cuddle with them as they go to sleep anymore.
I went back in time a little further to when I was pregnant.  We don't have many pictures of me, I realized.  And as I looked at the them, I remembered why. 
Recently, I have had several family members and friends who've been through a pregnancy.  They say that when a woman is pregnant, she glows with an other-worldly essence.  That she's beautiful.  It must be true since everyone I knew seemed to radiate it.  I loved being pregnant.  I felt wonderful and I had very little morning sickness.  My biggest fear of having complications with my diabetes was non-existent.  I loved feeling the boys flop around, kicking my ribs and head-butting my bladder. I loved watching my belly grow and the visits to the doctor that verified I had healthy, thriving babies. If I were younger, and not diabetic, and younger, I'd have had a dozen more.   Maybe.
But looking at my pictures, I realized why I shied away from the camera.  Instead of a glowing, beautiful, radiant me, all I saw was a Garden Gnome.  And one that could only were Crocs.  Yep. 
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